(A tibetan buddhist spinning prayer wheel. Location: Boudhanath, Nepal)
I still remember there was a period of time, probably a couple of months before my Nepal trip last year, that I suddenly felt uneasy and unsure, about what I’m doing, and what I’m going to do, and generally about everything. Maybe this has to do with the fact that I knew I will be hitting my 30′s next year (2012), and I started to get nervous. “For what?” You might ask. I have no idea at all. The only logical answer for this is that I’m having my quarter life crisis. Ok, I know you are laughing. Stop it!
I suspect a stagnation in many aspects of my life for the past few years is the main culprit behind all this. I’m still working in the same company since 2007, I’m still living on my own, I’m still pursuing photography, I’m still photo-blogging, and I’m certainly still enjoy traveling alone. Yes, I’m still and would probably still doing what I’m doing now. I think I’m being too comfortable. I lock myself in my own comfort zone. Everything seems idle, with the exception that I’m getting older. Dead end! I asked myself if I’m going to repeat the same way I live in the next 5 years. The answer is clearly no. Of course, the past 5 years didn’t just whisk off like that. That was the period of time when I slowly picked myself up from an emotional roller-coaster, and re-built my confidence. I have also learnt to accept my weakness, my inability to do something as good as others, and most importantly, what I’m capable of doing. I have tried to do business, but stopped after facing some setbacks. I’m glad I did it, though it failed eventually. I have travelled far more places in the past few years. I picked up photography again, and started shooting seriously. I read more, and have been reading a wide of topics. So, so what? And what next? I think this is the question that is bothering me. Being in my 30th this year is definitely a wake up call.
I watched Hugo recently. It’s a film adapted from Brian Selznick’s novel The Invention of Hugo Cabret. Hugo Cabret, the boy who lives alone in a Paris railway station said, “If you lose your purpose, it’s like you’re broken (like machine).” I consider myself lucky, for able to recognize my passion, and try to build something out from it. Finding one’s own purpose in life is a long journey, and often a difficult one. But bear in mind, it’s never ever about the destination, it’s the road to discovery that is all the most important.